Date Night

Illustration by FPJC

Sonskyn and I lived in Centurion, South Africa from late 2002 to late 2004. We stayed in a two bedroom flat (with our friend, Koning) with a beautiful view of the sunset. Our place had an open door to all our friends and, seeing that most of them were back in their parents’ houses (several of us had just returned from working in Scotland together), there was a constant flow of company. Sonskyn and I are social people, so we enjoyed this.  Still, we have our ups and downs like any couple and I recall a period when I was especially hungry for romance.

I hinted at it. I threw the lack of it around like an accusation when we’d argue. I’d fantasize about all the dramatic gestures he could make for me…if he wanted to. Did he just not love me as much as I loved him? Why, though I felt with all my heart that he did, wasn’t I sated?

I was driving along the N4 from Centurion to Wonderboom one morning and just as I was cresting the hill overlooking Pretoria, a realization came to me. I still associate the idea with the view.  If I wanted romance, I should do something romantic. I shouldn’t waste my energy being frustrated with Sonskyn for not scratching my romantic itch. I should scratch it myself and show him how nice it could be in the process;). I spent the rest of the morning scheming.

First I had to kick Koning out for the night- easy enough. Then I found rose pedals at a florist, scribbled a cute little poem alluding to what was to come and had a friend come with me to drop off the car keys with my note so Sonskyn could get home. As he approached the car that evening to leave, he noticed a few stray pedals on the ground by the driver’s side…then a few more scattered on the  driver’s seat…

He came into the apartment, which was aglow with scattered candles and petals. He laughed nervously when he saw me in silk…

We had a lovely evening. We laughed, we smiled and we had a taste of romance. I was sated.

That decision and that evening changed me in a sense. The success tuned me in to a power I have – the power of free will. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control, but our response to those circumstances are very much in our control. Remember, Sonskyn may not have been in the mood for romance that night. He may have come home and told me he loved me and the gesture, but just didn’t have the stuffing for a high-level emotional evening. He may not have reciprocated. His response was beyond my control. But, knowing that the gesture had never been selfless anyway, I hope I would have chosen to find happiness in the idea that he did love me and the gesture. If I forgave him for not being in the same place as me I bet he’d have appreciated it even more.

Last week a post from Annakate at La Aguacate inspired me to shake up my shopping cart with some different veggies. I picked up some fresh fish and on Monday night I cooked. I not only cooked, I glided around the kitchen, cleaning up as I went along and really enjoying the process. At some point it all just looked so beautiful that the need to be romantic took over and, on a random Monday night, Sonskyn and I had a romantic (though late:)) dinner. I saw the Pretoria skyline in my mind’s eye all the while.

1. I cleaned as I cooked so I could relax and enjoy sitting down to the meal.
2. Fresh ingredients and the A.V.C.T.. I couldn’t remember for the life of me what endives were called but they looked like they’d be tasty sauteed…
3. You see the cous cous there? Just sitting there ready for the kettle water?
4. Totally forgot to make it.
5. But that’s ok because it gave a new twist to our leftover lunches:)

  • Fresh Fish
  • Pecans
  • Shredded Parmesan
  • Cilantro – 1 bunch
  • a couple of tablespoons of flour (salt & pepper to taste)

Finely chop pecans (can use A.V.C.T.) and about 1/3 of the cilantro. Mix with Parmesan. Lightly dust fish with flour to dry and then dip into egg wash before coating with pecan mixture. Cook in pan with EVOO at medium heat. Flip when browned. Let rest on paper towel before serving on bed of cilantro.

I halved endives and sauteed them in the pan after the fish. Those, a chunk of mozzerella and a half tomato each were our sides…you could obviously do something different.

I hope my story inspires you to create a little romance for Valentine’s Day…it can mean so much more than those commercializing the holiday would lead you to believe. And, if romantic love isn’t in the cards this year, please remember that you are free to express Agápe, Philia, and/or Storge at your will. I hope your week is filled with love! 🙂

Pretoria skyline

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10 responses to “Date Night

  1. What a beautiful report! I couldn’t help but using parts of your story in Africa on my blog – sorry, it was simple too good to not do it 🙂

    Since you probably don’t speak much german: I used the story to tell pregnant moms (on my blog) that this longing for romance stops for a while during the first time of the pregnancy – but that it returns. But, unfortunately, then it might have vanished within “him” – and, if you realy want to experience more romance and romantic stuff, it is her who needs to move things a little further …

    oh, and thank you for the recipee … 🙂

    ray

    • Ray,

      The first trimester of my pregnancy was spent asleep or eating mac n cheese and cheerios…I spent the next 6 months or so hot to trot! I had a tendency to wake up turned on, too…at about 4AM! Precisely as you describe:)

      I’m glad you could use the story to create a message of your own. Thanks for reading:)

    • Und Ich habe Deutsch in die schule gelernt, aber Ich habe viel vergessen. Once I learned Afrikaans, the German went right out of my head! I think my mind only accommodates two languages:)

  2. Pingback: Hunger nach Zärtlichkeit » Wenn, Baby, Beziehungen, Ihnen, Zärtlichkeit, Mann, Bauch, Beziehung, Zeit, Seite » Das Schwangerschafts Erlebnis

  3. Nice post. The romance part especially. Its easy to moan about how unloved you are, when its all in your hands. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Thanks for sharing your experience and recipe! I think every wife has experienced moments like that, and I love that you share yours. It can help us wives to know we aren’t alone, and that it’s okay to be open and change things up a little (even if you’re the one who has to do it!)

    I’m scoping recipes for v-day, but I’m not sure I can wait to try this one. You may have already said this, but what kind of fish did you use?

  5. As a guy, I would like to say thank you. We do not have a clue what makes things romantic, unless you train us. We usually need retrained several times, but, we can take a hint. Our idea of romance is that a few risque comments ought to have you romping ready in no time flat. After 27 years, I still screw up now and then, but, I am trying. We try to help the guys out here at the BnB, so that they don’t waste a perfect time to make it up to the women in their life.

    • Oh, with pleasure! Please don’t think you’re totally off the hook, though…one of the mysterious rights of women is to understand something conceptually but not “get it” in the heat of a moment. I suggest any men reading this article tell their women “Well, if you want some romance then make some” at their own peril. Perhaps an offhand recommendation to read this post would be subtly effective? 😉

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